?

Log in

Days away I still feel you touching me, changing me [entries|friends|calendar]
Megano

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

hmmm [11 Apr 2006|12:04am]
I feel like I have changed a lot since high school.
4 loves for fire // This could be love

my life in chico so far [27 Sep 2005|03:36am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

So, I figured that I should write a blog about my life since I've moved to Chico. I've already done a lot of growing up in the month that I've been here. It has no order and is probably going to be rambly and all over the place, as I am just writing whatever comes to mind as I think of it. The first weekend that I moved, Eric was here. That was so much fun, I already miss my best friend so much. On August 22nd, I went to my classes for the first time. So far I've discovered that math is still really hard, I still love psychology, not all child development classes are fun, and my English teacher forgot that we are not in high school anymore. It’s good though, for the most part I am satisfied with my classes. Also, I live in Craig Hall… which has been an interesting experience to say the least. The food here is alright, but the best is late night dining… which has everything from chicken tender ranch wraps to mozzarella sticks to a peanut butter bacon burger. The internet, however, makes me so angry. It is the worst internet of my LIFE. GRRRRRR. Moving on, one of my favorite parts of Craig Hall is that we can rent out movies for free. It’s pretty awesome. I have 3 room mates, one in my room, and the other two in the room next to ours. The 4 of us share one bathroom. My roommate’s name is Abby aka Abby Cakes, and Jasmine and Camille are the other two. I really like my roommates a lot, and we all get a long really well. I laugh so hard when I’m with them sometimes, it’s so silly. In fact we got a noise violation one night because we were doing our nightly situps (we need to get back to doing those ASAP!) and we started to have a giggle attack just as security was walking down the hall so they wrote us up, haha. But it’s good times. Though I feel that the three of them have a better connection with each other than they do with me. There’s nothing I can really do about that though, so yeah. In my classes I have made friends as well, in my English class I sit next to this guy named Ryan and he’s really cool. We make fun of our English teacher together because he looks like Kip from Napolean Dynamite. In my Math class we have formed a clique and it’s pretty fun. We’re the A-Squad… so nerdy I know. Ben and Stacey are my main friends in that class, it’s what gets me through the horribleness that is math. In Child Development (worse teacher ever & most boring) I hang out with Krystle (who also lives in Craig Hall) and Brandon. And finally, in Psychology, I have become closest to Zeni, who is one of the nicest girls I have met in a long time. Here in Craig Hall I’ve made a really good friend named Tom, and he brought me a movie today when I was sick which was super nice of him. As most of you know, before moving to Chico I’ve already had a great deal of friends here. I wasn’t sure how that was going to change once I moved here, and really it hasn’t. It is very weird that I see them every weekend and sometimes more, though. I was hoping that Brady Face and I would have gotten to spend more time together since we live in the same town, but it just hasn’t happened. Even though I’ve only been in Chico for a month, I already fell for someone and got hurt pretty badly. What I had forgotten is that Chico is a small, small town… and that I eventually was bound to run into him. And run into him I did, on Saturday at a party. He pretty much pretended I didn’t exist. But it really made me examine some things and come to conclusions, which is actually very positive. I mostly said all of them when I was talking to my Jenn online, so I’ll post part of the conversation.
xXjetBLACKflames: I was dating this guy here
xXjetBLACKflames : I don't know if I told you about him
xXjetBLACKflames: but he screwed me over. and then I saw him at a party on saturday and he pretended I didn't exist
xXjetBLACKflames: I realized that I don't want to have to deal with that so I'm just gonna hang out for now and not worry about dating someone or being in a relationship
IplayH20polo: no you didnt
IplayH20polo: but i think that will be good for you
IplayH20polo: it will make you realize what you really have
IplayH20polo: when you get it
When I first moved here I was very concerned about how my feelings for my ex boyfriend (or whatever he was) were going to play out. At first it was extremely difficult for me because I was still so head over heels. But now I have also realized some things, which I also said to Jenn, so here’s another part of the conversation.
xXjetBLACKflames: I don't hate him at all
xXjetBLACKflames: me and him had our time I guess, and now it's time for me to move on for real
IplayH20polo: i cant wait till you get a boyfriend that is better then him x 5000
IplayH20polo: i will be very excited
xXjetBLACKflames: I will too
IplayH20polo: :-)
IplayH20polo: hes going to be so hott too
xXjetBLACKflames: haha maybe in a couple years I'll find him, right now though it seems to be the consensus among college boys that they do not want a girlfriend
xXjetBLACKflames: which I guess I understand, seeing as they think more with their penis than anything else
xXjetBLACKflames: haha
IplayH20polo: haha true that
xXjetBLACKflames: but I am okay for now, not really worried about it anymore.
Something that has been extremely hard for me is being away from my seester, Hannah. I love her and miss her so much, I get to see her on Friday so that will be good. Right now we are both really sick, funny how that still happens regardless of whether we are in the same city. I seriously am so sick though right now, I have been for a little over a week and a half. It sucks reaaallyy bad. But my Abby Cakes puts up with it, thank goodness. I hope I don’t end up getting everyone sick. Let’s see… what else have I been up to. Elliot, Ross, and Jon throw a keg every Thursday, and it’s usually a blast. I have met a lot of cool people, and gotten to know some even better. Good job boys, keep it up. I have seen two movies. I went with Tom, his awesome friend Paige, and his roommate Kyle to go see the 40 Year Old Virgin. That my friends, was hilarious. Then a few days ago I saw Corpse Bride with Jon and LC. Oh how I <3 those kids. And how I love Tim Burton. I went to a Graffiti Party the other night and it was so much fun, one of my favorites so far. Everyone wears a white shirt and you bring a sharpie and write all over eachother. My other two favorite parties were the one that Kristen had, and one of the kegs that Elliot threw that was a blast. I am gaining so much weight it is ridiculous. I go out to eat all the time. Camille will say let’s go to Burger Hut or Alec will suggest teriyaki, or I just can’t resist the urge to go to pita pit. Mmm, so tasty. I’m going home this weekend, and then the following Wednesday, Camille and I are driving to San Diego/Riverside. She is going to visit her boyfriend and I am going to visit my friend Bryan. We’re both looking forward to that, it should be good times. Fall Out Boy is coming to Chico on November 4th, and Mallory is planning on coming up here. Also my Nikki is coming, too! It is going to be awesome. Hannah and her loverrrr Jonathan are coming up for Halloween, which I am so so so so so excited about. I am going to be a purple faerie, I’ve decided. This blog is really, really long… but mostly it’s for me so that I can remember my college experience when I grow older. I want to print out all my LJ entries from the past and make a book. If my parents ever did find that book though… oh man it would be terrible. Haha. Life is so much less stressful now that I live away from them. I mean I love them of course, but even now they find any way they can to take control of my life. I am just happy that they are doing it from 150 miles away. My Dad called me to say I love you for no reason… something I can’t even really ever imagine him doing. It really made me happy. I also have spent a lot of time with Aubrey, who is one of my better friends here. Or so I’d like to think anyway. I can always call her just to hang out, or to grab a bite to eat, or even just talk about anything. It’s really comforting. Ben and Chad are awesome as well. I feel like with me and Tyler there’s some sort of barrier that he put up. I mean we have no problems and we’re friends, but I just think that it might take time before there’s no weirdness at all. The other night me, Elliot, Camille, and Roxanne saw Jimmy Eat World and Number One Gun. I thought they did an excellent job! It was really good. The encore that Jimmy Eat World did was phenomenal. They played Hear You Me, a new song, and then Sweetness. I hang out at the frat house a lot, which I guess I pretty much expected. I don’t know, sometimes it’s weird. I say to myself all the time that I want to branch out and not always think I have to hang out with Alec and everyone, but then in the end I realize it’s where I have the most fun and where I usually want to be. It’s only been a month or so, so I guess I’m still getting adjusted to the changes. Especially though with Alec. I mean it’s really awesome to have him around all the time because I feel very safe with him and I know I can turn to him for anything. A few weeks ago I had an incident and he was there for me so much that without him I couldn’t have gotten through it. But I do feel like I am inferior to some of the girls that he is so close to here in chico, not that it’s his fault or anything. It just sort of happens sometimes. Anyway, back to school… this year is so much different. I mean I really messed up half my soph year and half of my junior year in high school. Senior year I did well, but I still could have done better. Here I am so much more motivated. I do most of my homework with plenty of time before it’s due instead of procrastinating. I hope it doesn’t start to fade because I am sick right now and less energetic and motivated. It’s a good feeling though, I studied hard for my math test and did well. I took my time on my English papers and received all A’s. It’s just a really good feeling. Like ha, mom and dad I told you I could do it. And even more to myself. “Hey Megan, you’re a lot smarter than you think and you can do it despite that your parents have had such little faith in you in the past.” That’s the type of things that run through my head all of the time with every decision I make. The one thing that I feel very unaccomplished about is the fact that I have no job. Even though it seemed like I didn’t like my job, I realize now how much I loved it. I miss the kids, I miss getting a paycheck, I miss feeling productive. It’s really hard to find a job that doesn’t involve food here in Chico. But I really need one, so hopefully I’ll get to that soon. I want to hang out more with Kristen and get to know her better, I can definitely see the uniqueness that Alec sees in her. Chico has made me even boy crazier, I’ve had a few pretty big crushes, but true to the meganisms of life… they are the boys that I cannot have. I’m glad that I’m gonna take a step back from all of that though. Okay well I’m sure that no one is actually going to read this all the way through, but I think that is enough for now. Maybe in another month I’ll write again. Overall I am pretty happy and doing pretty well. I have a lot of new friends and I get to stay friends with the old ones, too. I can’t wait until I get to see Eric again, he is always going to be my best friend no matter how many miles away. Byeeee.

Oh yeah, and I definitely can’t post a blog without pics so here’s a bunch of random ones from so far.

chico picturesCollapse )

5 loves for fire // This could be love

single. and not looking. [02 Sep 2005|07:55pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

nope. not looking. no boys. screw that shit. megan = no boys. nada. zero. I don't want it, I am going to be entirely independent from any need/want I used to have for a boyfriend.

3 loves for fire // This could be love

Harder than I thought [27 Aug 2005|03:31pm]
[ mood | meh ]

I heard everybody's voice
cut out when you spoke.
And I watched all the lights
go dim when your eyes opened.
Well I can't believe you showed up,
What do I do now?
It's last call, time to go.
But before we say goodnight.

Let's walk home, let's be afraid.
I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard.
Let's do it right under the streetlight.
I want it now, somehow I forgot how.




I hold an overwhelming amount of love for Alkaline Trio.

This could be love

chico [26 Aug 2005|01:43pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I'm in college now. It's pretty awesome. I am doing really well. Of course I miss my friends and seester, which is why any of you can come visit anytime. But for those of you who were wondering, I'm good. So far, Chico is turning out to be a good experience. My classes are going well, I have done all my homework so far. Granted it's only the first week, I'm still proud of myself. I wanted to sleep in and miss class today since I only slept 2 hours, but I made myself get up and go. With encouraging from Al3C too. Oh, it's nice to be around all my modesto/chico friends all the time. And my room mates are cool. Well I am about to pass out so it is definitely nap time for me. Good afternoon, and for me goodnight.

A few pictures with the roomies.Collapse )

3 loves for fire // This could be love

[01 Aug 2005|01:40am]
I'm gonna miss ashley the most. </3.
5 loves for fire // This could be love

My head is spinning [30 Jul 2005|06:16pm]
Livejournal died. Or maybe I've outgrown writing down every one of my problems for everyone to read. Though it is sad because this is the first summer in 3 years that I won't have documented down. Oh well. Goodbye Antioch, Chico here I come.
5 loves for fire // This could be love

Old habits die hard. [04 Jul 2005|06:08pm]
[ mood | lonely ]


Close my eyes and move
to the back of my mind
where worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like the sun spots or raindrops

Now all those feelings,
those yesterdays feelings
will all be lost in time
but today I've wasted away
for today is on my mind


Left the only worries I had in my hands
Away from the light in my eyes
Holding tight and try not to hide how I feel
'Cause feelings mean nothing now

Now I can't care to worry
I'm feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart


Sometimes I just don't think.Collapse )

4 loves for fire // This could be love

goodbye. [15 Jun 2005|01:00am]
[ mood | pretty much every emotion ever ]

Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go
So make the best of this test,
and don't ask why
It's not a question,
but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable,
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, a
nd still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable,
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

1 loves for fire // This could be love

soco amaretto lime [13 Jun 2005|12:32am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

As happy as I am about leaving Deer Valley, talking tonight with Nikki about memories of soph year and everything till now, it just makes me really realize that in 5 days... it's really over for good. And that is very sad.


I'm gonna stay eighteen forever
So we can stay like this forever
And we'll never miss a party
cause we keep them going constantly
And we'll never have to listen
to anyone about anything
cause it's all been done and it's all been said
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get.





P.S. Even though I don't want to admit it, I'm scared.

9 loves for fire // This could be love

me and hannah as kids [08 Jun 2005|02:29pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com



it really doesn't get much cuter than this.

5 loves for fire // This could be love

from the cruise. [05 Jun 2005|06:06pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com




atleast sting rays love my kisses.

6 loves for fire // This could be love

2 concerts, 1 update. [04 Jun 2005|03:58pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

06/02/05 - Finch: I show up at Mallory's house around 5:30, and then we go to San Francisco. As we were waiting in line to pick up our will call tickets, she see's her friends Paul and Casey. They were so cute, and so good as friends. They were pretending they were from New Zeland. Everyone fell for it, until they did it to this girl behind us. Casey was like, "Would you take a picture of us, it's our last day in the US till we go back to New Zeland." And the girl said, "Why are you going back to New Zeland, I see your band play all the time..." Haha, he was heckof caught. Anyway, so the first band went on... they weren't too bad, but I couldn't catch their name. Then Revolver came on, and they were good, the drummer had some crazy eyes. Vendetta Red was the last opener, and they were really awesome. I got to talk to the singer afterwards, he was really down to earth. Next came on Finch. They played a lot of new stuff. They were really good, but what really did it for me was when they played What it is to Burn at the end. It was so so so good. So afterwards we walked with Paul and Casey, and finally went to our cars and left. It was pretty fun.

06/03/05 - The Mars Volta: David, Chris, Ricky, Mike, Zach, and Billy all came to pick me up at 1:45 to leave for Berkeley. It was fun, I was the only girl surrounded by 6 cute guys. So we got to Berkeley and then we ate at Bongo Burger, which was very tasty. Then we walked for days to get to the Greek Theater, and we sat and waited in line for hours. It was fun though, they're a good crowd. Well I kinda felt like Chris didn't want me there, but meh, whatever. Anyway so they finally open the doors and we get into the pit. I didn't realize how big the greek theater was, it's huuuugggeee. So we're waiting to find out, wtf who is the opening band. "DJ Nobody." Well, it really was nobody. So they get on and play a 2 1/2 hour set. I stayed with Ricky the whole time. They played some of their songs, but mostly did a lot of improv. It was really good, I just wish I hadn't been so tired. It was a good show though, definitely worth the money. We got lost walking back to the car, I thought my feet might fall off. I slept a lot of the ride home.


So basically to sum it up, Finch is good, Mars Volta is amazing, and I love them both.



P.S. Mars Volta didn't play Cicatriz ESP which made me sad. Finch didn't play Stay With Me or Letters To You, which also made me sad.

This could be love

if we get pulled over, we're busted. [28 May 2005|12:08am]
[ mood | content, but exhasted ]



Disneyland was so awesome.
Our group was really fun.
Puns are the win.
I am very tired.


The end.

1 loves for fire // This could be love

Finally come to the realization [14 May 2005|06:16pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

No stupid poem could fix this home.

2 loves for fire // This could be love

[11 May 2005|12:42am]
If a stupid poem
could fix this home,
I'd read it everyday.
4 loves for fire // This could be love

I've gotta gotta gotta gotta move on [05 May 2005|01:21am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Where do you move when what you're moving from is yourself?





Modest Mouse finds the words better than I do.

4 loves for fire // This could be love

my life by someone else. [29 Apr 2005|10:54pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Today was really tiring.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I am really annoyed with those assholes at _are_you_hotter_than_us_?, because I am so much cuter than them, and those photos don't do me justice. They can't reject me, so I'm starting my own rating community. Click here to join (the first five applicants are automatically accepted).

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.

Really me: Well, that's what happens when I feel like updating but am too lazy to do so without help. Also, I have the new Alkaline Trio CD and I must say it is very excellent. If you want it let me know, I'll be happy to send. I can't wait to get the real copy on May 23rd. <3

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey

6 loves for fire // This could be love

pissin' the night away [26 Apr 2005|06:16pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

hahaha, oh man. I was just reminded of the song:

Tubthumping by Chumbawamba.

that song reminds me of Devin.
we used to mosh around my kitchen
to this song in middle school.



I <3 these memories.


I'm dancing around in my underwear in my room now to this song.



Whoo!!!!

I get knocked down, but I get up again
you're never gonna keep me down.

3 loves for fire // This could be love

I'll Cry Tomorrow [24 Apr 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I don't know why I bother with this thing anymore. Oh well, I guess since I do I might as well update it. So let's see what's new... there is a Japanese girl named Kaori living at my house. Weird, huh? That's what I said. Anyway, long story but for now she's living with us. She's really nice. What else... oh yeah, I got my senior ball dress and even though it's not like superly fancy I really like it a lot. Eric asked me so that should be a lot of fun. We're all trying to work out this limo business. We're planning on doing the pictures in the gym before we leave, then taking the limo to the yatch in SF. It should hopefully be very fun. Other then spending the last couple months with my friends, I'm more than ready to be out of Antioch. Counting down the days, really. Today I spent some time at Panama Bay with Chris and we just talked about how psyched we are for the Mars Volta show!!!! I am so freakin' excited, you have no idea. It's gonna be me, him, Billy, and Zach as far as I know. <3 Mars Volta <3. I saw my Jenn today too! Oh how I love her more than words describe. Holy hell I'm going to miss her when I go. I think that Jameson doesn't want to talk to me much anymore, lately I've barely talked to him. I don't know what to think about that. Let's see, what else. I lead a pretty boring life here in the yoch. Last night I went to a party and it was fun, Hannah's boyfriend knows a lot of cool people. The singer from Just Die Already was there, Richard, and whew, he's gorgeous. I want to go to Chico with Eric before the school year ends, but I doubt it will happen. It's hard for both of us to get work off at the same time. Also I think that Steve is full of crap and just needs to man up to Becca and talk to her. I have a lot of experience with people just ducking out of your life the second you stop being together or talking or whatever, and it's complete shit. People need to stop being cowards and just deal with the things they do. Moving on... well there is really nothing to move on to. So, the end.



I know that I should probably hurt so bad
but I can't feel a thing.
I know that I should probably say something
but I can barely breathe.
And I'm sorry if I'm giving up too easy
I just don't have the strength to fight anymore.


My throat is sore from pleading.
I don't feel much like singing tonight.
If I can stop the bleeding
I know that I will be alright.

I'll forget your bitter taste
when you pull your lips away.
I'll forget the way you feel
and the chill of your embrace.
I'll forget the way you look.
Don't wanna remember your face.
</b>Let's just cut this clean tonight
and maybe I'll cry tomorrow.</b>

Cauterize - I'll Cry Tomorrow

4 loves for fire // This could be love

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]